When I think of a perfect family, I think of trusting parents, respectful and kind children, and family dinners at a table in front of a window overlooking the yard. Having a baby used to be a promise of that. Not anymore. Even a few weeks into this pregnancy, I can see why some parents hover over their children. Their best intentions making the worst decisions when it comes to raising a child. It's because the effort it takes to conceive a child combined with the exhaustion of just carrying that child is enough to make a sane person go a little crazy.
Family can have a hard time understanding that crazy, despite having gone through it themselves. It's why I started this blog in the first place. I'm hoping that in a community of mothers there are some like me. Do you just want to talk about your pregnancy all the time? Does your family understand the choices you're making? Does it feel like you are struggling more than you're not? I have a hard time asking my own family questions like this for the fear that they don't have the same answers as me.
I didn't grow up in a perfect family, which made me want a perfect family even more. I swore I wouldn't make any of the mistakes my parents did with us when I had a child. I was steadfast in my conviction. I'm not so sure anymore. I think about what I would do if my child started screaming in the middle of a grocery store or if my child hurt another child on purpose. I saw all this happen when I worked in an elementary school. It's easy to judge as a third party, but I can imagine what it's like for the parent now, and I worry about how my reaction to any number of instances could affect my child.
My only comfort now is knowing that there is no such thing as a perfect family. My family did the one job they were supposed to do: love me. Just because it wasn't perfect doesn't mean it was wrong. So I'll do the best I can and hope that one day my child understands that
I am an imperfect person that tried to love them perfectly.
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